The Gift of Menstruation

I love menstruating.  I love it. Say what you will, but menstruating carries you through the world a little closer to God, a little closer to Mother Nature, and a lot closer to the sisterhood. It reminds me every month of the profound power of my body.

My daughter Ruby has been pretty much glued to me since the day she was born.  She follows me to work when she can, she follows me around the house and, unless I pick her up and deposit her outside the door of the bathroom, close it and lock it, yeah, she follows me in there, too.  She’s seen it all and is ever so fascinated with menstruation.  She is now, at the age of six, an expert on which tampons are best and why, which pad fits best with the least amount of leakage, and how to primp and properly clean the vulvar part of the body.  I’m particularly proud of these things.  Not only is she equipped and ready, but she’s excited about it, because I talk to her about becoming a woman the way a yogi speaks about becoming enlightened.   I tell her that being a woman is the greatest gift on the planet.  I tell her that becoming a woman is a process and a vision quest.  She doesn’t understand the vision quest analogy yet, but she wants to, I can tell.   I tell her that God has made women so complex and gifted and powerful that our bodies bleed every month to make way for life. Our bodies make people, and our spirits nurture and love and protect and guide.  Then I explained all of the technical stuff such as ovulation, eggs, fertilization, and growing up. How her body will develop, sprout breasts and pubic hair and curve even further into the world.  I paint a picture for her of excitement, adventure, and heroics.

I don’t know about any of you, but when I got my period for the first time, it was not a good experience.  There I was, sitting in the family bathroom with my sister's Tampax box in my lap, reading the directions and looking at the pictures as I tried to figure out how to use one. There was no "talk" with mom or any of my five older sisters.  Not a word.  I noticed my white painter’s pants had a small red stain one afternoon and then, I remembered the movie we’d seen in fifth grade about “developing and growing”.  There were two movies, actually, and they were the talk of my grade school. One was for the girls and one was for the boys.  The boys didn’t speak to any of us girls for a week after they’d seen their film, and I can’t remember for sure, but I believe I didn’t speak to a boy again until I was 22 after I saw the girls’ film.  Okay, maybe not 22, but definitely a long time.  Those films were scary. Now the fact that my daughter already knows the name of four different menstrual devices is a good thing.  I wouldn't want any young female to feel as alone and lost and confused as I did.  

I recently asked my 21-year-old cousin if her mom had prepared her - you know, given her the “talk”.  She looked at me, surprised and wide-eyed, and said “no”.  Her mother is on the young side and evolved.  I wonder what other stories are out there? Is it just because of my Catholic background, or is there still a serious communication problem from one generation to another going on with us women? 

I want you to try for just a moment to skew your point of view, to see that monthly flow we sometimes take for granted through the curious eyes of a child.  Many of us have been told all of our lives what a pain in the ass having a period is, right?  First of all, did you even know that the total amount of blood you lose is about three spoonfuls?  Within the uterine lining we grow each month, are all these little blood vessels that appear just for the purpose of nourishing a baby? When the lining sloughs off, so do the blood vessels and the blood that’s in them.  The pain is just those uterine muscles working hard to flush out everything that won't be used to create life this time around.  And yes, sometimes that pain can be emotional, too, for women who are trying hard to get pregnant.  For them, seeing that blood means that their dreams of motherhood are not yet going to come true.  But for the rest of us, it's nothing to dread.  It's an organic cycle, the ebb and flow of nature's tides.

Okay, so it can be painful and messy.  So can life!  Having and nurturing a baby is messy, so does that mean you shouldn’t have one?  Obviously, there's more than one way to look at anything. Find a new way to look at this monthly miracle that every woman on the planet shares.  Like I said up top, I love menstruating. I look forward to it.  It is my body telling me that I’m okay, that I’m healthy and in sync.  It reminds me of the delicate ride my body, hormones and spirit take every month, and it reminds me that I have a profound connection to nature.  That sweet, deep pain and warm flow connects me to the earth and to my sisters all around the world.

I recently read a fascinating book called Blood Magic (see book review).  It illuminates the difference between the male and female point of view on menstruation in certain societies, such as the Yurok Indians of Northern California.  Yurok women are traditionally isolated during their "moontime" in a special menstrual hut, and do not cook or perform household tasks. "Moontime"... I love that phrase.  Male anthropologists have explained this by saying that the women are believed to be in danger of "polluting" food or other people during their menstruation.  However, the women themselves tell a different story.  They believe that, during this time, they are deeply connected to the spiritual plane and should not be bothered with such trifles as daily chores and interaction with the opposite sex.  You see, that is the S Factor, the feminine perspective. What a difference a point of view makes!

The Yurok Indians also talk about a "sacred moontime pond" where a young girl bathes and performs a ritual during her first period to acknowledge that "the earth has her own moontime."  It’s a glorious message… and what a far cry from the ones we get these days, with new ways of making our periods unnoticed and invisible, even eliminating them entirely.  What is that about?!!!

Since finding S Factor, I will never again fight what makes me female. Instead, I will revel in it.  As a matter of fact, Ruby and I are going to create a special celebration for her when she has her first menses – the kind of celebration I would like to have had myself.  It’s going to be a celebration with other women, a damned party with streamers and dancing and laughter and fun. Or if we’re in a quieter mood, maybe something intimate and spiritual and beautiful – scented candles and a bath, or a quiet meal with a few close friends.  Whatever it is, it is going to celebrate her “enlightenment” into womanhood. It is going to celebrate her becoming a part of a feminine culture, a culture of women honoring women, openly and graciously.

In fact, maybe I'll do the same for myself, next month.  Give myself the celebration and meditation that I should have had when I was crouching in my family bathroom, staring in disbelief at a tampon box.  It's never too late to change the way you view your body, so why not take that special time, whenever it falls between this newsletter and the next, to appreciate yourself for the life-giving wonder that you are?

With a Big, Fat, Luscious hug,

There’s an old saying: “Clothes make the man.”  The man… not the woman.  Hmm.  Could that be because it’s been long understood by the world-at-large that what makes a women is who she is inside, not what she wears?  We wish the world-at-large was that advanced!  We women have always known that what defines us is something far more complex than the clothes on our backs.  We’ve had to because, throughout the ages, our clothing was dictated by typically male-dominated cultures.  Sometimes it’s been tight, titillating, bosom-thrusting corsets… sometimes it’s been dark, shapeless garments that erase all evidence of our gender.

Today, we have a limitless range of clothing styles, accessories, make-up, and hair styles to choose from to express who we are, what we believe, how we feel about ourselves - and how we want that world-at-large to perceive us.  It’s our choice.  And having a choice means having POWER!  So what in your wardrobe makes YOU feel powerful?  Is it a sweet silk dress that floats over your curves and caresses your legs as you walk down the street?  Is it that perfectly cut business suit with a crisp white cotton blouse underneath and your hair in a sleek, no-nonsense chignon?   Is it your favorite frayed Levi’s paired with cowboy boots and a slim tank that shows off the toned shoulders and arms you’ve worked so hard to get, your hair in a no-fuss braid?  

How about trying something to power up your attitude – AND wardrobe - in a different way?  Try slipping on a daring, black lace bra and g-string under a delicate, innocent dress.  Let your hair fall in loose, casual waves over the shoulders of that business suit… and leave just one extra blouse button undone.  See how it feels to stride down the street in silver stilettos under your frayed Levi’s, hair up in a red carpet-worthy French twist.  Play with mixing moods… notice how differently you move through the world when you make one small but potentially powerful change in what you wear and how you wear it. Take pleasure in your power to choose! 

Spring is on the horizon for most of us, especially the lucky ladies on the West coast, but why not keep the Winter fun going just a little bit longer?  For a playful and unique escapade, take your sweetie, your girls or your kids ice skating!  It can be a fun, romantic date… just picture holding hands with your honey and keeping each other warm inside the chilly rink.  Even for a first date, it can be a great “ice breaker” because you both will be so focused on not falling that you won’t be nervous about the date.  You’ll be laughing at each other while showing off your fun, adventurous side.  If you’re looking for a creative night of bonding with the girls, then hit the local rink and throw your very own little Ice Capades party.  Bundle up in something warm and cuddly, drink hot chocolate and hold hands with your girls as you show off your skills – or lack thereof. Nothing feels better than laughter and a night at the rink will ensure that you enjoy tons of it.  You can always make it a family affair, because there are few kids who don’t want to try a spin on the ice.  What is so spectacular about a day or night at the rink is that you will be able to incorporate some good exercise into your fun. Ice skating is a killer workout for your quads and glutes, provides low-impact cardiovascular benefits and improves balance and endurance.   The American College of Sports Medicine states that a 150-pound person burns about 600 calories per hour of skating - that’s about the same as running five miles in an hour but a lot more fun!  Plus, when you leave, you’ll have that rosy glow usually owed to the snow or class at the S!   

Sheila Kelley’s S Factor works with many charities across the country to help make a difference to as many causes as we can. 
This month, we would like to spread awareness of Autism Speaks, a wonderful organization with the goal of changing the future for all who struggle with autism spectrum disorders.  A new child is diagnosed with autism every 20 minutes, meaning one in every 150 children suffers from this disorder.  Autism Speaks is dedicated to funding global biomedical research into the causes, prevention, treatments, and cure for autism; to raising public awareness about autism and its effects on individuals, families, and society; and to bringing hope to all who deal with the hardships of this disorder.  Autism Speaks aims to bring the autism community together as one strong voice to urge the government and private sector to listen to concerns and take action to address this urgent global health crisis. To get involved or make a donation, visit www.autismspeaks.com.

Hi Sheila,

This letter is so long overdue and I only recently got the courage to write and send it to you.  It was nice to finally meet you.  I don’t know if you remember me, but I had a brief moment to introduce myself at the Open House you recently hosted in Los Angeles.  It was such an honor and a delight to speak with you and personally give you thanks for giving me a “piece of my life back.”

First, let me applaud your bravery and courage to create the S Factor movement. 
I have to let you know that this movement has been such a healing experience for me.  I have read the beautiful testimonies of each woman and it is remarkable how they have been touched, developed, inspired with this movement.  And now it’s my turn to share what this movement has done for me. 

My experience has challenged me on so many levels: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  About a year ago, I suffered from two muscular tears on my rotator cuff that stopped me from continuing to S for about nine months.  I thought to myself, “I will come back to finish Level 3, which I paid for before my injury and then not come back”.  I figured I could not move like some of the ladies in my class because my voluptuous body was not built to fly and perform inverted tricks especially after the trauma to my shoulder.  I signed up with the awe-inspiring Mischelle Miller, who convinced me that I was “oh-so-wrong” about not continuing S Factor and that my body and my Erotic Creature had a signature of her own.  I would like to say that currently, I have signed up for Level 6 with the sexy Vixen herself Mischelle Miller. 

From the latter, you could say that my greatest challenge is my self-image, which stems from long time physical, sexual, and mental abuse.  I have been a survivor of sexual abuse when I was a child, with rape and domestic violence to proceed as an adult.  I loathed being a “woman” for these reasons.  As a teenager, I also battled with other self-image issues like anorexia, bulimia and even gained a lot of weight at one point to hide my curves. My image of me was so distorted.  I went through a phase of dressing more masculine to cover up what was bringing me so much grief in my life:  Being female.  I blossomed at such an early age, so that by the 5th grade I had to wear a full figure bra.  I hated the idea of being “girly” because, in my mind, this brought me trouble.

In 2003, my life instantly changed because I became separated from my now
ex-husband.  I joined Krav Maga, Israeli hand to hand combat, a Martial Art that empowered me to my very core.  I felt powerful, confident and beautiful because I now began to slim down and shed some of the extra layers that hid my rocking curves.  I realized that I had a figure and decided I had to dress “my girl up” so I went shopping.  The first thing I bought was a pair of sexy, strappy, open-toed, Carlos Santana high heels in red.  For the very first time, I felt sexy.  I experimented with my hair and wardrobe, and bought skirts, dresses, make-up, accessories, perfumes and even lingerie.

After a year of being “off the market”, I began to date and developed a relationship with my loving boyfriend, who I adore.  He is the best thing that ever happened to me next to those sexy-red Santana high heels.  He encourages and supports me everyday, not only with his love and sweetness, but he tells me that “I am gorgeous, beautiful and sexy.”  I have to say that “S Factor” has been a great part of my healing and the rebirth of the “beautiful woman that I have become.”  It has allowed me to not only appreciate my curves, but to feel alive, confident, radiant, playful, sexy, impish, ethereal, strong, vivacious-The use of words are endless.

I have to say “Ahh-I love being Female.  I use the three important Bs I’ve learned in my S-factor world “Turn off my Brain, move to the Beat and rock my Body’s curves.” 

Sheila, thank you for giving me what was stolen, under-developed,
un-excavated, and unappreciated – a precious part of my life back.

With admiration for your mission and love of the movement,

Veronica Acevedo

Shannon Smith is an instructor at Sheila Kelley’s S Factor San Francisco.   Born and raised in Detroit, Michigan, Shannon moved to the Bay Area in search of warmer weather and a change of pace.  After receiving her Bachelor of Arts in Journalism from Michigan State University, she worked in the music industry in the fields of marketing, radio promotion and sales.  After moving to San Francisco, she commenced her career in fitness and we are so glad that she did!

Shannon developed a passion for movement about 10 years ago, when she began taking yoga classes.  “I did not really move my body until I started doing yoga,” she says.  “I liked that it felt like exercise without feeling like exercise, which is the kind of workout I like.  It’s hard work but more engaging; you’re not stuck on a treadmill or running for hours on end.”  After four years of study, she became a certified instructor and primarily taught Vinyasa flow classes.  In addition, she studied nutrition, a field in which she does consulting on a part-time basis.

Shannon first became familiar with Sheila Kelley’s S Factor before the San Francisco studio was established.  She loved teaching movement but was looking to move on from yoga instruction when she heard about the opportunity to do S Factor Teacher Training.  After taking one class, she was undeniably hooked and knew that it was her calling to teach. She was also at a point in her life where she was looking for the chance to work with women and realized that this was her destiny. “I feel like I didn’t find S Factor; I feel like S Factor found me,” says Shannon.  “It was like serendipity, when you just know something is right and meant to be.  For me, it was more instinct than anything else that brought me into the movement and made me commit myself to it.”  Along with Ana Hyatt, she became one of the first two teachers at Sheila Kelley’s S Factor San Francisco.

When asked what she loves most about S Factor, Shannon states it’s the way the workout has shaped her body in a very female way and given her curves where she never had them before. “I love getting lost in the warmup and being able to dance without any sort of knowledge of where that movement in my body is going to take me,” she says.  “I love the freedom of expression that it gives me.”  She likes to share that liberation with other women and watch them open up and find self-empowerment from deep within. “It is such a unique process and it really truly does feel like a gift that I get to do this every day,” Shannon says. “It’s a great movement and I love teaching it… I think we all experience it and we know.  It’s an unspoken thing between women who do S Factor, of what this movement can really do for you.”

Shannon lives in San Francisco and, in addition to teaching S Factor, is studying to become an herbalist.  She likes to read, write and continue studying nutrition, and also does leather crafting, jewelry-making and knitting.