For the past few years, I've heard over and over from single women that there are no men left.  None.  This whole time, I've really believed them.  Where have all the men gone, I wondered?  I began to question the Census Bureau that says that 49% of America is male, while
51% are female. 

This made me think, "Well... when women talk about dating, they obviously aren't including gay men, so maybe they're all gay?"  But then I researched and found out that around 5% of men are gay.  That still leaves 44% of the population that have mysteriously disappeared.  I was worried.  Had some alien forces landed on our planet and absconded with all the straight men? 

Of course, what they really mean is, there are no single, straight men.  Now, wait a second.  Fewer people are getting married these days and, when they do, they're getting married later in life and divorce rates are rising... so there should actually be more single straight men these days than ever, right?

Hmmmm... I had to do a little sleuthing, and we all know how fond of sleuthing I am.  What I found was... well... men!  There seemed to be men everywhere I looked: at the grocery store, in the mall, out at dinner, at the baseball game... the list goes on.  A lot of these men seemed single and straight.  So what were my friends talking about? 

I couldn't figure it out until one day last month while I was shooting a show about S Factor. Needless to say, there was a lot of curiosity from the very male crew.  During a break between setups, I went into the kitchen of the soundstage and began to stuff my face with Ruffles potato chips. I love Ruffles - they have those ridges. I start talking to a rather nice, handsome, African-American gentleman who was around 30 years old.  He was quite intrigued with everything he'd heard us say over the past two days of shooting.  He told me that he was at the S Factor LA studio two weeks earlier to do a pre-shoot scout, and he asked the "really pretty girl" at the counter out on a date.  He said she "shot him down."  His exact words.  He said he couldn't remember her name and, in truth, he seemed a little embarrassed and a smidgen hurt, so I didn't push any further.

I popped another chip in my mouth, crunched away, and began to feel very odd as I looked around me. I was surrounded by men from the crew: gaffers, electricians, camera operators, assistant directors, etc.  There were about eight in total. They all listened to his story and were hanging on my every word, as if I was about to lead them to the Holy Grail: S Factor women.  As I talked to them more, I found out that three others had also asked out some of the S Factor women and, these three other women had also said no.  This was just getting more and more convoluted.  I told them that countless women in my classes, at the studio, and beyond were always complaining that there were no "good men" left.  I'm sorry, I mean no "good, straight, single men."  One after another they chimed in, "I'm available," "I don't know if you'd call me 'good', but I'm single," and "Can I give you my number?" 

Now these guys weren't movie-star gorgeous.  They were all shapes and sizes and ages just like the women of the world.  But from what I could tell in my three days with them, they were "good, straight, single men."  I asked them why they were all single, and they looked at me as if I had three heads.  One spoke up, "I work 12 to 14 hours a day. I go home, sleep, wake up and work again.  I don't have time to meet women."  Several nodded.  So maybe we can assume that what my female friends are really looking for are "good, straight, single, not-too-busy men." 

The following week, I went golfing with my hub man.  I don't golf, but he likes me to watch him golf, and I find that charming. As we're waiting to get on the course, I see man after man coming and going.  For every 10 men, there's maybe one woman and, obviously, these guys aren't working 14 hours a day.  I look at their fingers to see if they're married, and many are not.  Hmmmm.  This place is crawling with "good, straight, single, not-too-busy men."  The plot thickens.

After my golf date, I sat down with several women who had expressed the dearth of men, and I asked each of them if they had been asked out in the last year?  Yes, they had, and not one of them went out with the guys who asked them out.  Why?

"Sari" (not her real name) said exactly these words, "There's a snowball's chance in hell that I would ever go out with the kind of guys who ask me out." Harsh.   She went on to tell me that she knows exactly what she wants in a man, and won't settle for anything less.  For starters, they have to be intelligent.  Okay, so I guess what's really missing from the world are "Good, straight, single, not-too-busy, intelligent men."

But "Lani" had been asked out by a computer genius!  Why did she say no?  "Oh, you know the type," said Lani.  "A real geek; he lives at home with his mom."  Okay, so there are no "good, straight, single, not-too-busy, intelligent, cool, not-living-with-their-mothers men."

But the guy who asked out "Krista" didn't live with his mom, so what was the problem there?  Well, he was too nice.  To make matters more complicated, the other guys who asked her out weren't nice enough.  According to Krista, the guys she knows are either complete wimps or insensitive and overbearing.  So what Krista is asking is, "Where are all the good, straight, single, not-too-busy, intelligent, cool, not-living-with-their-mothers, nice-but-not-too-nice men?"

I should also mention that all of these girls said they could tell right away that there was no sexual chemistry with the guys in question.  So where are we now?  Oh yes.  There are no "good, straight, single, not-too-busy, intelligent, cool, not-living-with-their-mothers, nice-but-not-too-nice men with instant sex appeal."  What?!?I don’t know about you, but if I were to see a list like that written about qualifications for women, I’d pretty much want to find the ‘person’ who wrote it and whack ‘im upside the head.  Switch your POV, girls.  Give the guys a chance.

What's the harm of going on ONE date with a guy who may not fulfill all your fantasies at first sight?  Haven't we established that perfection is impossible?  That doesn't just apply to you; it applies to men, too.  Your man is going to be as beautifully flawed as you are.  You can continue shooting down any man that crosses your path because he doesn't fulfill every item on your checklist immediately, or you can choose to worship and adore a man for being exactly who he is.  One of these choices will emotionally castrate and alienate him, and one of these choices will make him feel like the best loved, most endowed man on the planet. And when that happens?  When a man feels his power and his beauty and his virility, watch the f&%k out world, see you later mom, he becomes indomitable.  I know what I want for the man in my life.

So, gals, "good" single men are out there in the world waiting to meet women.  They're not going to come get you, you have to go out and get gotten.  Expand the boundaries of your usual haunts.  The next time you have to go grocery shopping, go to three different grocery stores.  Take up a "guy sport" that you've always thought might be interesting: Tae Kwon Do, ice hockey, rock climbing, (the obvious) golf, bowling.  Hell, girls, just take a flying leap into the world, and you might find that there are more than enough good men to go around.

With a big, fat, luscious hug!

We spend our time at the S getting to know our bodies and selves better, resulting in sublime positive effects that transcend so many aspects of our life.  This month, let's turn our attention outward and honor the body of our lover with that same respect and love that we teach here at the S.   Notice your man's body parts that you most appreciate... whether it's his glutes, biceps, back or calves... look at him with love and focus on his virility.  Let this feeling overwhelm any negative thoughts you have ever had about what you may have thought were imperfections.  Keep in mind that there is no perfect body and choose to love the body he is in as much as you love the one you're in.   As you do and learn to do with S Factor, be forgiving and embrace his or her flaws all month long.   Go so far as to touch his body parts with intrigue, maybe give him a massage, or even admire from afar.  The effect on both of you will be inspiring.

If you are single, realize that everyone is perfect in their own right.  The perfect man is the man standing in front of you in the checkout line, with all his wonderful flaws.  Watch and appreciate, you may be surprised at the beauty he possesses, and that you've been missing it all along

We've heard of whale watching, bird watching and people watching... but what about man watching?  They can be pretty esthetically pleasing to gaze upon, right?  There's no commitment that needs to be made, no need to get a date out of it... just simple, old–fashioned, eye-feasting on the opposite sex.  Whether you're married or single, gay or straight, the beauty of the male physique is inarguable.  Sounds like serious fun, especially if you have the right mindset.   Men are very visual creatures who indulge in "girl watching" a significant portion of their days.  In numerous cultures, women are repressed and do not have the option of "watching men" as a pastime... in our culture, many women have never even thought of it or may have been embarrassed to partake.  Let's eliminate any aspect of embarrassment and give it a shot for the next few weeks –it might just be absolute bliss. Go to the nearest park, wear large sunglasses for the whole incognito vibe, sip an iced tea or libation of choice, grab a seat next to the basketball court or baseball diamond... and have at it.  Or grab a beach chair and head to the sand, load up with sunscreen, and gaze at the surfers getting in and out of the water or angle your chair toward the nearest beach volleyball court... there's nothing quite like the male physique in action... diving, twisting, turning, jumping, sweating and then there's that sexy male antic of tempers flaring mid-game. Play games with yourself – don't leave until you've seen at least five men who you could easily share dinner with.  You can always make it a tribal thing – head to your favorite restaurant, the mall or a bar, and play a game with your friends:  noone can leave the venue until each one of you has spotted one eye-catching man for the friend to your right.  Modify these ideas to fit your style, whether you roll solo or with your girls.

The best part of guy watching is that, unlike whale watching and bird watching, there are no rules and it is never out of season!  Have fun!

A Texas girl to the core, Becky Spence is an incredibly inspiring S Factor instructor.  A native of Texas, Becky was always very active and loved playing sports but never took dance until she discovered Sheila Kelley's S Factor.  She was always very interested in health and fitness, and enjoys all kinds of sports.  In fact, Becky started playing volleyball in junior high and went on to play in a league called the "Houston Spikes" for three years as well. She loved trying new workouts – she practiced yoga for a year, did Tae Kwon Do for two years and has also done some kickboxing.  In addition, she is very interested in nutrition and how what you eat effects your body. 

Becky's work experience prior to Sheila Kelley's S Factor includes giving swim lessons to children and adults, and teaching others how to become a swim instructor.  Thinking it was "the thing to do when you got older", Becky took an office job, but found herself restless and unsatisfied with that type of career. When she heard that Sheila Kelley's S Factor was coming to Houston and looking for Instructors, she jumped at the chance to be involved.  She had heard about how S Factor empowers women, which was also one of her passions, and new that becoming an instructor should be a part of her life's path.

Becky soon fell in love with this beautiful movement.  "I love how it goes back to having a woman's body move the way it's supposed to.  Before I started, I was really tight but thought I was flexible and athletic," she says.  "Doing S Factor completely changed my perception of body movement.  Now I feel so free... my hips are open and my chest isn't hidden. I can sit in my chair and move and I feel really good - I feel like pure liquid.  This movement has loosened up my joints and brought my sensuality out after feeling like I had none before."

Becky's decision to teach was truly a reaction to her gut instinct.  "I want to spread this empowerment and help women recognize their bodies on the inside and out," Becky says. "I love helping women to boost their confidence and seeing them walk out of S Factor a little bit taller, happier and feeling good about themselves."

Becky lives in Copperfield with her fiancé, her dog, cat, and turtle. In her spare time, she likes to ride dirt bikes, play recreational sports, and walk her dog.

Hi Sheila,
Loved the story about your daughter AND I loved the way you celebrated her beautiful eyelashes. My daughter is also six and she is a natural pole expert. I am just waiting for her to tell her teacher there is a pole in mommy and daddy's room.



Last week, she came home from first grade and said that a girl in her class who used to be her friend told her that she couldn't be her friend anymore because she has freckles.

I was devastated and wanted to cry (my daughter really has a lot of beautiful freckles).  Instead I asked her "What did you say to her?"

She told me that she said to the girl "I feel sad for you because freckles are little kisses from Angels and I love every kiss I have gotten...and I may look different because I have freckles on the outside but on the inside I am just like you... the only real difference between me and you is I have more friends "upstairs" than you do...so if you don't want to be my friend right now, that's okay. I'll be here when you're ready."

I have never told her any of that! AND I will cherish the moment when she pointed up towards the sky when she said "upstairs". 

Children are wonderful. They can see things in a different way and remind us that we are amazing!!!!

Love your shares and love S Factor!
Sally Lieberman