The 'Lost Girls' of Sudan

I decided to go to a movie last week. I went to the newspaper to see what was playing. Here's what I came up with: Letters From Iwo Jima (war flick), The Departed (guys-killing-guys-gruesomely-even-though-they're-cute flick), Children of Men (really- cute-guy-saving-a-chick flick), God Grew Tired of Us... hmmm, what was this, I wondered? I read further and saw it was the story of the Lost Boys of the Sudan. Boys were lost in the Sudan? I'm one of those misinformed who have been living under a rock called "children" for the past 12 years, so I read a bit more about the film in an article about its producer, Brad Pitt (see review below). So many lost boys, but hey, like weren't there any girls?

Sleuth that I am, I went online and Googled "lost girls of the Sudan," and 20 or so listings came up. Did you know there were lost girls? I guess God didn't know about them or God would have grown tired of them, too, and the movie would have had their stories in there. Don't you think? Just out of curiosity, I then googled "lost boys of the Sudan" and guess how many listings came up? 919,000. Ah, the inequity of it all. I went back to the "lost girls" on Google. I started clicking on the listings and was sobered by what I read. Sorry to do this to you femmes but I've got to lay some serious stuff on you this month. Of the 25,000+ children who left the Sudan as orphans in the late '80s, a little more than half made it to the Kakuma refugee camp in Kenya, four years later.

3,000 of the 17,000 children were girls. In 1999, when the U.N. High Commission for Refugees (never knew they existed but then again my head's been under that child rock) heard that thousands of orphans were living together in just the nastiest of conditions at this refugee camp, 4,000 boys were chosen to come to the United States to start new lives. Guess how many girls were chosen? Prepare yourselves......89........... 89 girls were brought to America to start a new life. Ah, man that hurts. It is a pitiful 2% and is a pretty stunning oversight. So where were the girls? Why did we help so few of them? And where are they all now?

According to several articles I dug up online, most of the other 2,916 girls didn't have the option of coming to meet the UN aid workers when they came to Kakuma. Why not? Well, we've all heard of how crappy things can be for our sisters in parts of Africa, right? Arranged adolescent marriages, female circumcision, familial beatings for whatever pissed the male family member off, and the list goes on. So, being lost girls in a country that doesn't quite elevate the female, to put it mildly, it was thought best that they be "adopted" for their own safety and chastity. Because these girls were now a part of "foster families," our government assumed they didn't need help. In many instances, in these foster families they were treated as servants or sold before their 19th birthdays to much older men to marry. One lovely young woman, illuminated in one of the articles I read (and this one's painful...) was raped during the night in her new foster home at the age of 17. As fate sometimes unfairly has it, from that violent experience she became pregnant. She had the baby, and she and her child live in the refugee camp as outcasts, because in her culture a rape victim takes the blame for the crime. I know, I know, it is maddening. And as I type these words my fingers come down on the keys with such defiant outrage I cannot tell you, but possibly you can feel it through the computer screen.

There are other "Lost Girls" who remain at the camp and live every day in a culture where women are not allowed to choose husbands, leave home unescorted, or even seek justice against their attackers, there are few chances for these girls to live inspired lives. When you look with an S Factor eye at the existence these sisters of ours have to endure in the refugee camp, and then you hear about a movie that shows how many of the 'lost boys' have been given a new chance at life, it kind of breaks your heart. These girls trapped in the camp are never going to have the opportunities that even the boys in their own country have, let alone the freedom and opportunities that they would have in the US.

Sometimes from tragedies come stories of profound inspiration. Many of the 89 "lost girls" who did find their way to America are making heroic efforts to give a voice to the ones left behind, and I for one want to listen. There's 24-year-old Veronica Abbas, a single mom of three-year-old Grace and a teacher at a Seattle daycare center. At the age of six she made the trek from the war torn Sudan to Ethiopia to Kenya, but despite the taboos in her culture about speaking her heart, her mind and her passion, she is now letting it rip, devoting her life to making people aware of the suffering of women in her country. At reunions and conferences throughout the U.S. she speaks with journalists and encourages her fellow "lost girls" to help themselves, and to speak out about their experiences. "In our culture, freedom is not for girls," says Abbas. "Girls are polite and keep quiet. It is hard to have a good life when you think you don't have a voice." Sing it out girl, let your voice fly, we're listening.

Check her out here, Veronica is just one of many courageous Sudanese women who are educating themselves and using their knowledge to stand up for their sisters. It's not an easy education either. The lost girls that have come to the US are finding the transition to a free culture much more challenging than their male counterparts. Many of them simply don't have the tools, don't know how to get a job, open a bank account, drive a car, be independent.. If you know a lovely woman from any country where she has not known freedom, reach out a hand, your heart and your spirit to help her.

So while you're googling "Lost Boys of Sudan," why not do a search for Veronica Abbas? Or Julia Duany? Or Aduei Riak? Or Harriet Poni Dumba? Or Agnes Oswaha?... Their stories are a humbling reminder that nothing - not war, not famine, not fear, nor oppression - can stop a woman with a vision of a better world. What can you do? Do what we women do well... talk about it and communicate. Share this page with someone. Don't let our 'herstory' disappear once again.

One of the parts of our body we often neglect is our rear end. Derriere, booty, rear end, tail feather, butt, ass, rump... it's a pretty important piece of property if you think about it. It's that cushion that makes sitting bearable, protects our tailbone and looks pretty cute in jeans. The fact that it performs all those functions surely warrants some good old fashioned attention from us. There are so many easy things you can do.... for one, have a masseuse work on your glutes. Have them knead away the knots and massage with warm touch for some relaxing indulgence. What's also very pleasurable are some of the wraps and cellulite treatments out there - they can feel amazing. Many of them are composed of marine ingredients such as seaweed and essential oils to flush the toxins and excess fluids from your system. If there's no time or funds for a spa visit in the near future, then you can easily do it yourself with a ready-made kits available at the drug store, or by creating your own, using the basics of skincare, but applying it to your backside instead of your face. You can get a low cost loofah (one of those loofah-gloves would be ideal) and cleanse, exfoliate with an aggressive scrub and then moisturize using a rich, nice smelling cream. Make it a little ritual so that not only will your skin feel smoother and firmer, the simple act of nurturing this often-neglected area will help you rediscover a sense of relaxation and well-being.

The rear is also a great place to focus your workouts, as results happen quickly and who minds a little extra toning and firming back there? Walk up and down hills, take the stairs instead of the elevator, do some hiking, cycling or running. Even walking is good for the butt. The 'S' way to workout our backside is with the 'Bridge Grind', a relaxing yet intense move that will give you great results.

1. Lie on your back with your knees bent, your feet flat on the floor slightly wider than hip-with apart, and your arms resting at your sides along the floor.
2. Exhale as you slowly lift your hips off the ground and roll up your spine, vertebra by vertebra, until all of your body's weight is on your shoulder blades and feet. Push your hips up toward the ceiling.
3. Begin to draw a large circle with your hips to the right and down.
4. Inhale as your hips sweep down toward the floor, almost touching it.
5. Continue the circle with your hips, to the left and back up toward the ceiling. As your hips come up, exhale.
6. Repeat five times. Switch directions and do five more circles.

Sensual focus: Imagine that you are hoola hooping lying down: the circles you make should take your pelvis around the inside surface of the hoop.

Sexuality and sensuality are extremely beautiful and sacred facets of ourselves, as is our spirituality. Whether we practice a certain religion or are spiritual in a non-denominational way, it's a beautiful thing to tie the two together in an affirming expression of love, respect, intimacy and commitment. As of late, there seems to be a shift towards the promotion of understanding the ties between the two, as well as new ways to put it into practice. This prompts some food for thought with the G-Spot this month; what are ways to take a more spiritual approach to sex? It can mean so many things... it can mean celibacy, for one. Or it can mean being aware of those deep states of ecstasy that many have likened to out-of-body experiences or transcendent journeys, where all boundaries dissipate and you feel like one with your beloved. Sounds delicious, actually, and leads one to think about the exploration of Tantra, which aims to enhance and prolong that sort of "magical" connection into a sustainable state of bliss, similar to that which we were born into. Developed in India, the roots of Tantra go back thousands of years. It is based on the concept of whole-body health, with components of Ayurvedic medicine, divination, astrology, ritual, sexuality and spirituality. Its practices are a complete system of life, designed to help one reach enlightenment. That may be too lofty a goal for some, but why not try some of the Tantric-based exercises to see just how close you can get to this blissful state of spiritual "oneness" with your partner. Tantra is about learning and discovery; what better path to take with your partner? Exercises that involve communication, playfulness and openness to discovery will only lead to greater spiritual communion with your beloved. Let go of all control and explore - here are a few ideas:

Spend five minutes gazing into the eyes of your partner before foreplay.

Create a simple ritual, such as a candlelit, rose-laden bath, for you to share with your partner.

Start with an hour of massage - with each partner spending a half hour as a recipient.

Practice with some easy breathing exercises together; unifying the breath is an amazing way to feel ultra-connected.

Commit to trying three new positions in a specific duration of time (perhaps some from the Kama Sutra).

Stop all movement during the act - stay together, immersed in a high state of arousal, and revel in what it feels like for as long as you can.

Try meditating together prior to foreplay. Simply relax for five to ten minutes and picture a deep, cleansing white light emanating from your heart. Doing this together will put you both in the same high state.

Terry Frederick
Chelsea, NYC Instructor

Terry Frederick is an instructor at Sheila Kelley's S Factor Chelsea, NYC. She has this distinct, edgy energy that transfixes all when she dances. Born and raised in New Jersey, where she currently lives, Terry studied liberal arts in college and is a certified massage therapist. She specializes in Mayan abdominal massage, which she studied in Belize, using the "Arvigo technique" which focuses on healing women's health issues such as cramps, endometriosis, fertility, and fibroids.

Terry was always passionate about dance and movement, even as a little child. She has always found it to be a haven for wordless expression, though she did not formally train until a few years ago when she took her first class in belly dancing. After two and a half years of studying belly dance, she taught a basic class, which instilled in her a passion for teaching movement. In addition, Terry studied yoga and snowboarded for many years.

Terry discovered Sheila Kelley's S Factor when she saw Sheila's book, The S Factor: Strip Workouts for Every Woman at a local Barnes & Noble. She was looking for different ways to express herself with movement and tune into her feminine side. As soon as she saw the book, she realized she had found exactly what she was looking for: a way to be athletic, move in a fun, exciting way and feel sexy and confident.

After taking Sheila Kelley's S Factor, Terry found that her body changed completely. It defined her curves, helped her discover strength and power, guided her towards acceptance of her own body and validated her thoughts on beauty. "Sheila Kelley's S Factor helped me grow comfortable in my skin," says Terry. "It helps you make peace with your cellulite and spider veins, what other people would call 'flaws'. You realize that everyone is beautiful, especially when doing this movement."

S Factor Teacher Training was definitely Terry's calling. She has a passion for helping women find their sexuality and be comfortable with it, and removing any blocks that stand in the way. Terry loves watching the change in her student's attitudes about their bodies, and giving them the tools to move and find sanctuary in their curves and individual beauty.

In addition to S Factor and massage, Terry loves to paint and write, spend time with her friends and family, and experiment with new and different foods, music and travel destinations.

Dear Sheila,
This thank you is long overdue for all you have brought into my life. The Open House in San Francisco only confirmed my reason for commitment and lots of driving to S Factor San Francisco. Carmel is home and San Francisco is a two-hour drive up and two hours home every Saturday. Truth be told, I won't miss it unless I really need to. Since Day One of my first Intensive in San Francisco, I have felt a new life growing in me. At first, I wasn't sure what it was, just an aliveness about myself and my body, unfelt before.....and then, it took hold and whipped me around to a place that gave me an amazing feeling of sensuality, sexuality and power I had not experienced. Add to that the luxury of YOU as my teacher and mentor (and Barbara and Teri from LA) and now Ana, whom I adore and admire for her exquisite presence and poetic voice in class, I am a new woman. Those who know me say it! Those who get to know me love it! Those who have yet to meet me will see it! So I say thank you for the new life you have gifted to me.

With great admiration and appreciation for your gift to me and all women!

Carolyn Humiston
Level 5-6

Take Flight Day

Music and shoes and Erotic Creatures - oh my! Such were the topics of lunchtime conversation among a small group of devoted 'S' girls after emerging, glowing and exhilarated, from a three-hour, intensive Body Whispering session led by our fearless leader. We had Sharon Rimando from the ever-alive San Francisco studio, Erin Bard from our Orange County baby, Jennylee Burns from Encino, Sally Wolf from the rockin' Chelsea New York studio, Kathleen Manolakas from the LA mother ship studio and Cori Stockman, our write-in winner from again, our LA studio.

"Take Flight with Sheila" day was an invigorating, joyful day for all: the six lucky winners, the host LA studio staff and, of course, Sheila Kelley herself! Everyone found it to be a wonderfully unique experience, having the opportunity to spend a few leisurely hours with fellow
S Factor students, sharing journeys and bonding over stories of mutual discovery. Women who just met that morning felt as if they'd known each other forever; the visceral connection that S Factor instills among students is that strong. It can be easy to tell other people about our experience here and how it's helped us grow comfortable in our own skin and sensuality, and that it's helped us learn to walk through this uncertain world as strong, confident women. But to truly understand an S Factor woman, they have to dance a mile in her stilettos. It's just one of the secrets that were shared one special day by the inspiring "Take Flight 6". Check out what the inspiring women who attended this special day had to say:

"It was great to have an almost four hour class with Sheila because she didn't want to stop teaching and we all loved it. Spending the day with Sheila just confirmed that I am in the right place for me and that I should continue to share it with all of my girlfriends!" - Cori Stockman, LA studio

"Sheila's passion for the 'S' really shines when she is teaching, more than I could ever put into words. Her ability to pinpoint strengths as well as help my Erotic Creature grow was unbelievable and I appreciate it so much." - Erin Bard, OC studio

"Reflecting back on the class, I am impressed at how quickly Sheila understood me well enough to provide accurate and insightful feedback throughout the day, and particularly after my dance. It was as if she had truly gotten into my head while repeatedly encouraging me to get out!!" - Sally Wolf, NY studio

Extras!

Pro Bono Attorney needed
We are very proud and excited to launch the S Factor Foundation, a non-profit organization with a mission to further women's causes here in America and around the globe. We are looking for an attorney to work on a pro bono basis to assist us with the legal aspects of establishing our Foundation. For those interested in helping us with our Foundation efforts, please contact Heather@sfactor.com.