It’s time to tell the "Sienna story".  I have to come clean. I was in Italy on vacation this past September.  I was having one of the best days I have ever had in my life.  I was feeling good in my skin, wearing the cutest cleavage-celebrating tank top that I own.  I felt like, “My God! It’s hot and I’m in Italy with my kids and my man…what more could a woman want?” Richard, the kids and I were having fun walking the ancient cobblestone streets of Sienna.  Man, this city was gorgeous and I thought to myself, “God, life is so delicious. It is so good.” 

I was brought up Catholic.  I love churches.  Blame my Mother - she goes to church six days a week.  She won’t go seven because, in her words, she "doesn’t want to make a habit of it".  This is who I was raised by.  How she ended up with a troublemaker like me, we’ll never know.  There was this beautiful church up on the top of a steep hill, and I said “Let’s go in there.”  Up the hill we climbed in the 99 degree heat.  Once inside, it was absolutely awe-inspiring.  My hub-man’s learning photography and I am his muse, so he was shooting me over here and over there.  The light coming in through the stained glass window was mesmerizing.  My kids were silent with amazement, I was really high on life, and we were all having such a good time.  My daughter, Ruby, and I walked into a little alcove to the St. Francis statue because we both love animals.  We put some money in the donation slot and lit candles as we said a prayer.  As I stood up, this very good-looking Italian docent (that’s the name of the person who gives tours of the church), started talking harshly to me in Italian. He was pointing at what looked like my torso.  I don’t understand Italian but I could make out that he was saying “NO, NO, NO…OUT, OUT.”  I knew immediately what he was trying to say but my daughter, who’s so delicious, looked up at me and said “Mommy, what’s the matter?” So I responded, “I don’t know honey. I don’t speak Italian.” 

I ignored him and walked into another area of the church, but he followed me and continued his accusatory barrage.  It was apparent that he was trying to kick me out of the church.  I turned my back on him, took Ruby’s hand and walked toward an icon of the Blessed Mary.  He walked away.  I started breathing harder and faster.  I felt accosted and singled out and…have to say it….persecuted.  Ruby was confused and wanted to know why this man was attacking me.  I walked around to the main part of the church and saw about 100 tourists, two of which were men in their late 60s, who also had tank tops on (and they had breasts, too!). I couldn’t leave with the anger and hurt that was roiling inside, so I decided to confront this 'Italian docent’.  I approached him as he was speaking to a tour group and quite loudly asked, “Excuse me, what about that guy over there? He has a tank top on.”  I pointed to one of the older men.  The 'Italian docent’ turned toward me with a fiery stare and said something in Italian.  Furious, I followed him wherever he went, asking, “What about him? What about his tank top?” As I pointed to the two older Italian men in tank tops, my heart pounded.  They looked at me like the crazy American woman who somebody had better calm down. 

The 'Italian docent’ tried to ignore me but, when he realized I wasn’t going away, he escorted me to a sign and pointed to a picture on it (By the way, our relationship, it was very tempestuous. If there hadn’t been a fight, we would have had great chemistry).  It was one of those picture signs with rules on it - there was a picture of a dog with a red line through it for “No dogs”, a camera with a red line through it indicating “No photography”, and there was a woman with a tank top on and a big red line across her indicating… “No women”?  He pointed to the woman with a big red line through her and, by this time, every ounce of happiness and bliss that I felt that day was squeezed out of me. Instantly, a primitive emotion took over me like an animal that had been attacked.  I looked at the picture of the woman in the tank top with a red line through her and felt fire rising through my body like Mercury.   I said again, at a very loud volume, “They have tank tops on!” as I pointed again to the men in their late 60s. The 'Italian docent’ looked at my breasts as he grabbed his shirt where his nipples were and pulled it out about six inches (imitating breasts in a very childlike fashion) and said something very condescending to me in Italian.  At this point, I let loose and yelled, “You know what?  God made these breasts and maybe God wants to see her/his handiwork!  My children ate from them.  They’re not just for you.”  My hands were shaking, Ruby was confused and my son was slowly burning.  My son hates to see his mom unfairly harassed, hates it.

What had started out such an amazingly beautiful moment in my life was destroyed by this man trying to cause me shame about my body.  The whole time, Richard was trying to get between us saying, “Calm down, baby, it’s Italy. You just have to accept their culture!”  No!  I don’t have to accept their culture. “I’m not going to calm down when I’m being attacked,” I retorted.  I am not going to comply any longer.  It was at that moment that I realized we have no boundaries.  In this culture in which we live, our female bodies seem to be owned and operated by everyone but we who live in them.  It's not that I think the 'Italian docent' guy was a bad person, it's just that someone, somewhere along the line (our culture) made him feel that it was okay for him to infiltrate the boundaries of women's bodies. I can't even imagine what a man would do if someone assaulted him the way that I was assaulted. I was so thankful that day for the female culture that we’ve created in S Factor.  I felt that, united, we have a shot at creating our body boundaries and reclaiming what is rightfully ours.  With these boundaries, where no one can tell me that my body is bad or obscene or indecent, I will live a very inspired life. That evening hub-man bought me a cute shrug at a lingerie store across from our hotel.  It’s a little sweater thing that goes over my arms and shoulders. He gave it to me and said, “The next time we go into a church here you can just slip that on.”  It was as if someone would have handed Rosa Parks a cushion and said, “It’s not so bad in the back of the bus”.  I knew where he was coming from.  He was trying to protect me. He was trying to calm my roiled spirit.  But my response was visceral and quietly emotional.   I gently said, “No, baby, I won’t put this on.  If a man can wear a tank top in a church and expose his shoulders and chest, than I will do the same. My body carries no more shame than his.”  As I’ve lived with this event over the past few months, the realization of the inequity and violation becomes more and more distasteful.  I will no longer comply.  I have to assert my body and my boundaries into the world. If I let the world rule my body then I am again not a fully realized woman.  I can’t do it.

When you hear over and over that your body is obscene or indecent, what does it make you think about yourself?  It gets embedded unconsciously inside your body and, all of a sudden, you’re anorexic, you’re cutting your arm and you don’t know why.  Or a less extreme reaction, you look in the mirror and say “My legs are fat” or “I hate my stomach” or ”Is my ass sagging?”  We live in a male-centered culture and, when we change that and embrace S Factor’s female-centric culture as our own, we will all see that every single woman is beauty.  All women, all sizes, shapes, ages… the turn of an ankle, the swoop of an arm, the curve of a lower back and yes, even the pouch of a belly…. every single women is a work of art. I want to give all women their props.  I want them to know their beauty and their power. 

If loving your body is still hard for you, then try this little exercise I do in class some times:  Look at your body as if she were your child.  Would you ever let a strange man chase your child out of a place where other children were playing without protecting her?  Would you ever tell your child that she’s obscene or indecent or ugly?   Think about that for a second.  It’s a sobering thought, because this gorgeous vessel that carries you through your life, she’s what you get and she’s delicious.  She doesn’t deserve shame or judgment or disrespect.  She deserves a chance to grow and blossom and revel in herself just like your child would.  She deserves idolization and praise and worship.  Create your own body boundaries and don’t comply anymore with rules if they are destructive to you.  Live an inspired life!

There’s nothing like stretching your body to its absolute boundary while warming it with loving, healing, nurturing self-touch.  An awesome way to do that is with a little twist on the S Factor Reclining Quad Stretch (on pages 14-15 of Sheila’s book The S Factor: Strip Workouts for Every Woman).  As you perform this stretch, make sure to pull and feel the boundaries of your body… an area that should be yours only, for noone to violate or get too near to, unless you give permission.

You can do this exercise in the morning before you get out of bed, at night before you fall asleep or in the middle of your day.  Light some candles and put some gentle world music on in the background.  Turn off the phone, the computer, the blackberry… eliminate any possible interruptions. Lie down somewhere where you will be completely comfortable. 

Inhale and stretch your arms up over your head.  Stretch up and to the left, then up and to the right.  Stretch your toes downward as your arms stretch up.  Breathe into the stretch and relax.  Let your fingers slowly trace the curvature of your face, head and body, feeling textures and temperatures and curves that you usually don’t pay much attention to.  Revel in the warmth of your fingers and the healing energy they exude. Allow your fingers to wake up the nerve endings in the rest of your body with your touch.  Continue to inhale deep, and then exhale cleansing breaths as you explore your curves.  Don’t be afraid to let your fingers trace the parts of your body that you usually feel are off limits to you or that make you uncomfortable.  Remember, it’s your body, you own it, you can touch her.  Touch your body as if you were a scientist exploring a new terrain and realize that these curves are yours… your skin defines the boundaries of your body and that boundary is sacred and protected at all times by you.  Touch your body as if she were your gifted child who needs tender love and contact and protection.  Begin this relationship with your body that will last your entire lifetime.  Live an inspired life together.

Mischelle Miller
S Factor Instructor

The multifaceted Mischelle Miller is an amazing S Factor instructor, with an attitude and teaching style that is incredibly inspirational.  Born and raised in Dallas, Texas, Mischelle moved to Los Angeles after suffering one too many cold winters while living in Boulder, Colorado.  She received a B.S. in Economics and Management from Ohio Wesleyan University, a Masters degree from the University of Houston in Hospitality Management, and is currently working on a PhD in Psychology at the University of Southern California for Professional Studies.

Prior to taking class at Sheila Kelley’s S Factor, Mischelle had virtually no background in dance.  A friend saw a segment on the S Factor on 48 Hours and told Mischelle about it and, after hearing Sheila on a radio show and learning that she was opening a studio in Los Angeles, she immediately signed up for class.  She was looking for some type of different, unique movement and, immediately after learning about the 'S’, knew it was the perfect class for her to explore.

Mischelle found that the S Factor allowed her to express a part of herself that she was unable to share anywhere else.  “It brings me to life,” she says.  “I know I completely come to life when I dance and, outside of class, I walk through the world a very different person and am much more confident than ever before.  I own my curves now.”  After going through all seven levels of the 'S’, she felt so many benefits and got so much out of the journey that she knew she had to spread this movement herself.  “To experience that much confidence and such positive changes in my body attitude made me want to give back in whatever way I could,” she says.  “I couldn’t imagine life without the S Factor, so teaching was a natural progression for me.”

As an instructor, Mischelle loves watching women own their power and grow more confident in themselves and who they are when they leave class.  “Watching students go from feeling shy and reserved to these beautiful beings, ecstatic and confident in their movement and bodies, gives me a high like nothing else I have experienced,” she says.  “Watching women’s bodies move in this beautiful way is just the most amazing, gorgeous thing that you can imagine.  I feel honored to be a part of that.”

In addition to teaching the S Factor, Mischelle is a freelance writer, with a focus on natural health for children (one of her greatest passions), and does business consulting for small businesses.  Mischelle lives in Manhattan Beach with her fiancé, Steve, to whom she got engaged this summer and will marry in May 2007.  She teaches all S Factor levels at the Los Angeles, Encino and West Los Angeles studios, as well as the special makeup class offered at the Los Angeles studio on Fridays at 10 a.m. 

Dear Sheila,

I have been wanting to write you for quite a while, and it doesn’t make sense to wait any longer.  You have changed the lives of many women, and I am just one of those women, simply wanting to thank you for the gift of the 'S Factor.’ 

I have been through a very challenging past few years.  I would say it began with marrying the "wrong" man (who turned out to be a teacher in many ways, which I am grateful for), and included a difficult miscarriage, but the major challenge was being diagnosed with a brain tumor.  I declined surgery at the time and chose a very alternative path to healing, which kept the tumor stable for over three years.  In the meantime, my marriage was hell.

What does the S Factor have to do with this?  One of the things I have learned from the brain tumor is the necessity of embracing all parts of myself. I have also learned how important it is to be true to myself, to express that truth, and to live my life to its fullest in each moment.  When I discovered the S Factor (thanks to a dear friend who stumbled upon your book one magical day), I was not very in-touch with my sensual/sexual side.  Much to my surprise, there was a sexy vixen waiting to escape, hungry to move her body like a snake, like a fox . Eager to don black vinyl and 8-inch heels . . . set aflame by the pole . . . crawling to tease the woman in the chair . . . longing to move and stretch and fill her entire body with this feeling until it overflows into the room and beyond.  I cannot even describe to you how much my body (and mind) craves to move in this way, but I think you understand! 

So, literally, a few days after my first S Factor Intro two summers ago, I split up with my husband.  The brain tumor had taught me to pay attention to what is important in my life and what is not, what is healthy and what is not, what brings me joy and what does not.  I had already eliminated a stressful job, as well as many other things that were not serving me, but for some reason I still chose to remain in a very toxic relationship.  It was the one thing I hadn’t yet let go of, and it was time. There was some new power that had been ignited inside me, and I employed it to make one of the most important decisions of my life.  Since that turning point, I have been doing S Factor religiously, and I even fell madly in love with an old friend who also happens to have been my first kiss and first boyfriend.  I have never been happier or more in love (I’m talking about with my boyfriend and with myself!).  Whatever the S Factor changed inside of me, I have to give it credit for that major shift that followed my introduction to this incredibly powerful movement.

Now I find it most important to share this with you because there have been developments in my health situation that are not so good.  My last MRI showed that the tumor is growing faster and is progressing to a higher grade.  I also found out that what I thought were panic attacks (that seemed to come out of nowhere, usually while sleeping) are, in fact, seizures.  I am scheduled for a biopsy this Tuesday, which will give us more information about what kind of chemotherapy will be most effective and whether or not I should have radiation.  All these changes are new (within the past week or so) and I feel as though my entire life has been tossed up in the air, and it is frozen up there.  All I can do is wait and see when and how it will fall into place, and I know that it will look much different than it did before. 

The truest thing right now is that all I have is this moment, and I feel like it is so important to give thanks for what I have and for the gifts and love I receive from those around me.  I know this is a long letter, but my goal is to thank you for giving me the gift that has ignited a power and a passion that was lying dormant deep inside me.  It is a great joy to be free and to untie the chains that had my Erotic Creature bound.  She’s not just my Erotic Creature . . . she is a part of me that makes me whole.

Sheila, thank you so much for your courage, insight, creativity, passion, all that has driven you to create the S Factor and make it available to the women of the world who need it so.  How could I forget to mention that if it were not for the 'S Fund,’ my experience with the S Factor would have ended after the Intro class.  I cannot thank you enough for this.  It is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.  Thank you so very much.

With Love and the deepest respect,

Jenna Aleta Fretto