May 2006
If someone told you that you were going to get really fat and stretch the skin of your belly to the brink of bursting and then produce a person from between your legs while experiencing the most surreally insane pain, and that you were going to have to, basically, live life for that person, would you do that? If someone told you that everything that you've ever known as 'your' life was going to disappear and that you were going to have to make that person-who-appeared-between- your-legs' life happen - meaning feed them, wipe their bottoms, and rock them to sleep every night of their life for about three years - would you apply for the job?

Mothering. Simply put, it is the hardest thing I have ever encountered. 'It,' motherhood, is a journey into love so profound that it threatens to overwhelm your every breath - a journey into selflessness so pure that it could very well drown you in its demands, a journey so challenging of mind and patience that it could very well fray every last nerve in your body and leave you spent in a ditch at the side of the road of life. Motherhood, like being a great warrior, is definitely not for the faint of heart.

My story of motherhood is not always a pretty one. It was, and is, an epic journey for me. Either I am the most unlikely mom or other women feel this way, too, but seldom discuss it for fear of being judged. I believe every woman's journey into and through motherhood is just that, an epic heroic trip. I don't mean with trumpets blaring, flags waving, and crowds cheering. I mean the kind of journey that is private, visceral and profound, with no easy, simple answers but one that rides the crest of the wave not knowing if, or when, you'll go under.

I got "knocked up", otherwise known as accidentally pregnant, in February 1994, right after the last big LA earthquake. My guy and I were breaking up and we had one last romantic fling before parting. I, of course, got pregnant. This kind of thing happens to me all the time. Not that I get pregnant all the time but things that I have absolutely no intention of doing in the next five years seem to come to me out of the blue. I was 29, finishing up my last year on the TV show "LA Law" and there I was, manless, pregnant and unemployed, with no prospects of a job in the near future. And if you know anything about Hollywood and young actresses, they don't want them pregnant. What's a girl to do? I went to the Ob-Gyn to discuss my options. He did a sonogram, I saw the heartbeat and that was that. I instantly became fiercely protective of the little, intsy, throbbing peanut full of life in my belly. I decided I would have the baby, father or no father, job or no job. I would make it work and it would be just me and the intsy, throbbing peanut. Single motherhood, here I was, coming fast and furious in your direction, down a hill with no brakes and the windows open, hair a-flying. Nine months later, my baby boy was born. The father of the baby became less of a child and more of a man, and we tried to make it work. Off and on again until our son was 18 months old and we finally fell in love and got married. That would be Richard, my hub-man, and love of my life.

Motherhood took me by its teeth and flung me around like a rag doll. I, obviously, was not prepared. Some people have accused me in the past of being brutally honest, but I can't figure out any other way to get from one moment to the next. There is something that needs to be said, because the world really doesn't want to hear it, but some women live in the misery of the lie and if I can do anything to help them then I will. I only wish I had heard another mother say this when I was alone at three in the morning with a screaming, sick child, vomit all over my shoulder and back, and me with a head cold, sneezing and sleep-deprived for the fourth night in a row. Mothering sometimes sucks. The job is awful. I love my children. They're the two greatest people, bar none, that I have ever known, but the day-to-day actual job of mothering? The hours suck, the isolation is maddening, the mind-numbingly boring hours that spread into days, that spread into weeks, that spread into months, are vacuous. The lack of selfish "get your self together" and "you time" is gone, obliterated from the face of the Earth. And sex? There was just none of that.

In one moment, in the instant of birth, you are no longer your own woman and you will never be again. You belong to that baby. It's as though a piece of your heart broke off in your chest and went into the body of the fetus. You birth a piece of your heart out of your body, never to be whole again. Oh, sure, you can deny it and attempt to continue on with your life after maternity leave. Send them to day care, see them from two to three hours a day but, bottom line, you will suffer for it. There is an incessant ache scraping in your chest, at your heart, constantly pulling you to be somewhere else, doing something else. And it is always somewhere other than where you are. Your drive to achieve your own personal or professional goals don't just dry up. They're still there, and they're also scraping in your chest, at your heart, just as loud as that baby pulling you in another direction. Let's imagine that the scraping in your chest, at your heart, is like two fish hooks embedded in your heart, each pulling slowly but steadily in opposite directions.

Over time you get used to it, the nagging tug, but it never goes away. This is the state of motherhood. The word "carefree" no longer exists because a piece of your heart has broken off and then came out in your child. Your heart is now beating in another person, but it is your heart and it still keeps you alive. If something were ever to happen to that other person, you would feel it as if it were you, no matter where in the universe you are, no matter where you go, you will feel whatever that person that you gave birth to feels. You will never be just "you" again. Here's the odd thing, though... over time, you actually grow to love the aches that are your children and your ambitions. They begin to feel safe, like home, and you begin to fear not feeling the tugs anymore. The tugs are a constant reminder that you are so vividly alive and that, in life, you are actively seeking your bliss as you are so integral to the life of another. The balance between your bliss and your children is a high wire act that only the true heroine can confront. In that precarious balance there is perfection. The state of motherhood is a state of grace.

But Mother's Day is not just for women who produce people from between their legs or bellies, or who adopt children. Every woman on the planet has the eternal maternal in her being, whether she is mothering a child, a friend, a lover, a business, a pet or plant or just her own spirit and soul. The act of mothering is to nurture, to bring towards life fully. We are all creators and, when we give birth to our creation, no matter what it is, we need to honor it.

So, there damn well better be a Mother's Day honoring all things perfectly giving about mothers - and the mother inside every woman. If you have children, don't overlook the fact that even if your best friend doesn't, she is still a mother and a creator - and very often helps you be a better mother. Make sure to honor your mother, and all the other mothers in your life - including the one you see every day in the mirror.

The next time you are at a stop light as you drive your car home from work, put a hand up to your heart. Feel it beat against your palm and know that somewhere there is a woman who gave birth to you who can feel the heat of your hand on a piece of her heart. Kiss your fingers and lightly touch your heart again and send her the greatest gift she could ever want... your love.

The easiest thing to do is to try out something that neither of you have ever done. Whether it's horseback riding, sailing or going to a cooking class, as long as it's new it will be a fresh adventure. Or think back to the things we did in high school... the sneaking around that made things extra fun and exciting. Yes, we can be mothers and grandmothers and still be dangerously in love!

Here are some ideas to get you inspired:

1) Surf together at the crack of dawn
2) Go on a wine tasting adventure (a la Sideways)
3) Skinny dip in a lake or in the ocean
4) Sneak into a hot tub at a posh hotel (how hot and dangerous is that!)
5) Book a room at a gorgeous hotel and don't tell your lover where you are going
6) Go to an amusement park or fair and frolic like kids!
7) Do a pub crawl on bicycles
8) Find your own Lover's Lane and make out all night!
9) Pamper yourselves at a spa with a decadent couples' massage
10) Take a proper moonlit stroll
11) Visit a psychic and get your cards read together
12) Stargaze at a planetarium
13) Relive your childhood by camping out in your living room (with a tent!)

If you have some great love ideas of your own that you would like to share with your gal pals at the 'S', please send them to chaton@sfactor.com
and we will include them in upcoming G-Spots!

Bath Time
Make sure to take some time out this month to pamper the mother in you! Whether you’re the mother to your children, your art, your job or your spouse, we all need a little ‘me’ time! An easy and inexpensive way to do this is with a special bath treat. With some standard preparation and a little imagination, you’ll have a magical respite at your fingertips. Make sure to light lots of candles (or incense if you prefer), turn the phone off, bring in some of your favorite music, some bath salts or oil and simply luxuriate. If you do not have a bath pillow, a folded-up towel will do the job! You may want to put a little “DO NOT DISTURB” sign on the door, just to make sure your bliss is not interrupted. Close your eyes and just relax. Let the waters soothe away all the tension in your muscles and your mind. Meditate if you want, or simply float while you turn off your mind.

We all spend so much time nurturing our family, our friends, co-workers, you name it. Make sure you take some time to nurture yourself this week, month and entire year. You deserve it!

Last month's 'Let's talk about Men' Poll Results!
Men… those unique creatures who makes us crazy with every emotion possible. There’s things we love about them, and things that we don’t love so much. Last month, we wanted to hear how you really feel about men, what types you like, don’t like, and so on. Here's what you thought!

What kind of man do you like?
Sweet, nice guys - 42.93%
Artsy drifters - 5.25%
Dangerous bad boys - 11.96%
Business Moguls just oozing power - 7.25%
Players - 1.27%
The commitment phobes - 1.45%
All of them! - 29.17%

What qualities in men do you not like?
Cocky arrogance - 32.97%
Immaturity - 22.1%
Sports-obsessed - 5.25%
Lack of style - 1.45%
Lack of ambition and drive - 37.86%

The best thing about a man is...
The sexual pleasure he can give me - 9.06%
Their handiness around the house - 1.45%
They make me feel needed - 6.52%
Financial support - .91%
Emotional support - 16.12%
Too many to count! - 65.58%

The worst thing about a man is...
His neediness - 12.5%
Fear of showing emotions - 29.89%
His lack of emotional support - 24.09%
That they don't understand women - 20.29%
Nothing, everything about a man is great! - 12.86%

Life without men would be...
Death. Can't live without them! - 20.83%
Strange. But I'd live - 52.72%
Easier - 5.8%
Difficult - 20.29%
Heaven! - 0.36%

The ideal man is...
Heath Ledger - 8.15%
George Bush - 0%
Brad Pitt - 5.62%
George Clooney - 20.65%
My father - 5.8%
My boyfriend/husband - 57.25%

Student Letter
Hurricane Katrina can't stop my Erotic Creature
Dear Sheila,

Thank you so much for the S Factor; it has truly been a lifeline to sanity. I am from New Orleans, Louisiana, and my home was flooded with eight feet of water in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. I lost almost everything. As I attempted to salvage the pieces of my life, I found my S Factor DVD: The Beginning. I cleaned it in a soapy solution and, to my surprise, it still worked!!! I cannot begin to tell you how this DVD has helped me on my journey from severe depression. It has empowered me by giving me the confidence to know I can conquer all of the obstacles before me. Now it is part of my daily ritual on my long road to recovery. Sheila, you are truly an angel, and I am so happy that you continue to inspire women to feel good about themselves. Words cannot explain how much the S Factor has helped me. This was truly a godsend.

Many thanks to you and your staff.

Toya L.

P.S. I will definitely see you in Texas (Houston) for the S Factor workshop and I look forward to one day seeing you in the beautiful city of New Orleans.

Response to Sheila’s March Editorial
From our S Factor sister, Tedra Torrice

Oh man, Sheila!
Your story made me just cry! Having two girls myself, I know I will have to go through this as well. It made me remember when my 3 year old asked to sleep naked in the middle of summer. The old Tedra, pre-S Factor Tedra, would have told her to cover up and sleep in a nightgown. But the new and improved, liberated S Factor Tedra, told her to go right ahead and sleep naked!!!

You are not alone in this struggle to raise confident and empowered little girls. But do know that you are raising your daughter to love herself and to be strong. I wish I had a better answer. Have you ever
read the book series written by Jamie Lee Curtis? They are children's
books written to help build self-esteem and teach kids to like themselves no matter what. Anyway, I don't have them right here in front of me, but I am sure you can look them up. I was just trying to think of a way to get down on her level. Sometimes children's books can do that. It can get the discussion going. Good Luck, my friend. :o)

S Factor Love,
Tedra Torrice

Website launch
We are so happy to announce the arrival of our new website! It launched in April and has tons of fun things to explore and play with (just like the 'S').

There is a brand new "Community" area, so that you can get to know all your 'S' sisters around the globe! There's a forum, yes, a forum, where you can all share your S Factor experiences, inspiration and information. Don't be afraid to just dive right in and get to know evolved women from all around the globe.

There's a section called "About You," where we will feature a letter and photo of a S Factor devotee each month, a list of resources we want to share with women everywhere, testimonials and access to our current and archived newsletters.

In the "Press" section of the website, we will keep you posted on all of our media coverage and upcoming things to watch and look out for.

The "Shop" section gives you access to our killer product line, including gift certificates, clothing, stilettos, poles, our S Factor book: Strip Workouts for Every Woman, and our DVDs and videos.

The "Studios" area gives you all the information you need about each studio, our classes and the session schedules.

Best of all, Sheila is now blogging on the site in the "Movement" section of the site, which also informs you about our mission, our upcoming events, charity involvement and latest pole tricks! Check it out and let us know what you think.

Teacher Spotlight - Sara Goodman

Sara Goodman... the original S Factor House Girl. Born in New York and raised in Michigan, Sara moved to Los Angeles 15 years ago in search of warm weather and a stimulating career. She met Sheila when their sons attended Kindergarten together, during the time that the S Factor was in its early, developmental stages. Sara was intrigued when Sheila talked about pole dancing and how she was putting a pole in her guest house (which doubled as Richard's office) - but it was when Sheila showed her the 6-inch stilettos that she was convinced. "There's no other reason a nice girl like me would ever own these shoes," said Sara. They started working together in their makeshift "studio" and, before she knew it, Sara was absolutely hooked.

It was more than just the stilettos that reeled Sara in to the 'S'. She witnessed firsthand Sheila's transformation from the S Factor workout - she saw her become more open, soft and confident, and realized that she wanted the same for herself. After working with Sheila and learning the movement, Sara experienced a catharsis of her own. She felt her own heart open and, for the first time in her life, she felt comfortable in her body. She was divorced when she first started the 'S', and credits the results of this movement for making her ready for another relationship and happier in her life... and leading her to husband number two!

Sara knew she had to pass this incredible movement on to other women. She became S Factor's first teacher trainee and, before long, was helping other women learn to love their curves. She's been teaching for four years to many loyal devotees - in fact, more than half of the teachers at S Factor have been or currently are her students! Sara loves the fact that she can watch students that have been with her for years still discover new things about themselves. She also loves watching women find their hips for the first time and discover the 'S' in their bodies. Sara believes that the 'S' transforms women, making them more comfortable with themselves and helping them to find their body's organic language. "Society's definition of what is beautiful is thrown out the window when you walk into a S Factor studio," says Sara. "Every woman looks absolutely gorgeous when they're comfortable in their bodies."

Though Sara has a "brainy-girl" day job, working at the S Factor helps her to achieve balance. It's also given her an additional strength that pervades her life, "To be smart and sexy at the same time is the most powerful thing in the world," she says. Spoken from the mouth of a true S Factor pioneer!

In the News
We have had some fabulous coverage in the past few weeks, with lots more to come during the month of May. First off, we are thrilled to announce that Sheila Kelley will be a guest on Late Night with Conan O'Brien on Friday, May 19th on NBC (technically, it's Saturday, May 20th, as it will air at 12:35 a.m.). She's going to show Conan himself how to do some moves on the pole! Watch it, set your Tivo or tape it, because you will not want to miss this appearance!

Sheila had a phenomenal interview that aired on NPR's News and Notes with Ed Gordon at the end of April. She was interviewed by the amazing host, Farai Chideya, who made this a provocative and stimulating piece. If you missed it, you can still read the article and catch the webcast by clicking here. We also had a great piece on Ivillage.com that launched Friday, May 5. Access it here.

The S Factor was featured in an article on sexy exercises that went out on the Associated Press newswire... click here to check it out. AOL also posted a story on stripping and exercise, with a write-up on the 'S', which can be accessed here.

The lovely Teri Jaworski, Director of S Factor's Teacher Training Department, was photographed and interviewed for the Japanese magazine, Tarzan (uber popular in Japan). Yes, the article is in Japanese, but the photo is gorgeous and translates across all languages! We also had ET-TV, the Chinese-speaking television channel, come to the L.A. studio to interview Sheila and check out some of the S Factor moves.

We were also honored to be a part of E! Entertainment's Child Star Confidential, as they did a piece on one of our beautiful students, actress Danielle Harris, who brought the show to the 'S' to share what this movement means to her. Thanks so much, Danielle, for including us in this part of your life! We can't wait to see it air.

The Chelsea Handler show taped a segment with Sheila and some of our lovely instructors in early May. It airs on the E! Entertainment network, premiering Friday, June 2nd and playing several times during the following week. It was hilarious to shoot (Chelsea was at her finest) so make sure to catch it!

We also had a great blurb in the New York Post, which described some S Factor exercise moves for targeting the calves. Sheila Kelley's S Factor Encino had a special write-up in the 'Stepping Out' section of the May/June issue of L.A. Confidential. They're predicting we'll be a sensation in the Valley... one I think we all quite agree with. S Factor NY was featured on Shecky's.com and S Factor Los Angeles was featured on LA.com in their 'Sexy La" section as well!

Keep looking for an awesome multimedia piece on Ifilm.com on the Adrenaline Channel. It will feature some breathtaking demonstrations by our amazing instructors, as well as an interview with Sheila, Teri Jaworski and one of our fab students. Sheila also did an interview that will appear on TMZ.com in coming weeks. Stay tuned and help us keep up the momentum as we spread this movement like wildfire!