Warriors Weep All The Time, You Just Don't Always See The Tears
Have you ever just broken out in tears in what felt like the most inappropriate place? At the supermarket while trying to ask the produce guy to describe the taste of a kiwi? In front of the television during an AT&T commercial? Or at work, talking to your boss, and you just f%&ing lose it for no reason?

Medical experts say these emotional episodes are caused by hormones -- raging female hormones. Watch out world, we women might very well bite your heads off and devour them for breakfast! The "fear" of our hormones is rampant, shocking and, well, kind of magical and even empowering -- if not for the established culture in this country that labels these free-flowing emotions as "weak" and "irrational." But by whose standards are strength and weakness judged? Eons ago, ok, well 2,390 years or so ago, Aristotle (he must have been some fun kind of dude) claimed that women were the "weaker" sex because women were "physically frailer and emotionally irrational." There's that maddening word again. An ox is physically more powerful than a man, so does that make the oxen a superior being? Hmmmm... well, now that you ask... Seriously,
I believe that this "emotional irrationality," these "raging hormones" are nothing more than the deep, profound and everlasting connection that women have to the vulnerability of humanity. Now there's a mouthful. Let me say that a little simpler. I believe women's profound connection to their emotions is more powerful than any ox anywhere. This "irrational" emotionality is empathy and compassion.

em-pa-thy [em-puh-thee]-noun
- the vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

In other words, this "irrational" emotionality is our humanity. To be blessed with the ability to feel what others feel is one of the greatest gifts on Earth. There are times in a woman/girl's life that she is even more connected to the heart of humanity than any other - and that is most often during her menstrual cycle. I believe that this kind of empathy will be the salvation of our very linear, square culture. Science, medicine, and modern technology leave little room for humanity. It is a very patriarchal-driven, unemotional world -- and that is supposed to be a good thing? The medical community that needs to label everything calls these times in a woman's cycle "PMS." Many women are dismissed at these times, "Oh, she's just PMS-ing." I hear that a lot around the office. Hell, I use the phrase, too! I have to let my husband know when I'm PMS-ing so that I don't totally terrify him.

I grow quite sad at that time of the month. My skin starts to crawl and every one of my senses becomes heightened. It kind of feels like I'm morphing into a superhero with laser vision and hyper-hearing abilities, only I don't look through steel but into people's emotions. Does it make me edgy and a little aggravated? Yes. Hell, I'm morphing into a superhero, what do you expect? I feel everything, and I mean everything. I feel the angst of the mailman dropping a package off at my house. I feel the happiness of the little girl in the wagon riding down the street. I feel a hint of the deep and profound devastation of a mother mourning her lost son in the Middle East... but just a hint. I feel the tickle in my son's belly from the kiss he received on his cheek from the girl he's been in love with since third grade. I feel it all. I know for a fact that every woman in my S Factor life feels all of these things, too. Whether she recognizes it or not, she feels these things.

As a community, women have such enormous power. Don't you think it's time for us to create our own culture? We maneuver differently through the world than men. We communicate differently. We've tried to communicate their way for so long that we think it's the only way to speak and be heard, but we don't need to be male.

Women move more underground and we can spread our culture through the underground, through grass roots movements, through the wildfire mode of communication. We talk, we remember, we feel. We talk to each other either across a lunch table, a tennis court, a coffee table or across the country, whether we use the phone or email or a newsletter or daytime television. We are heard by each other, and we alter our lives internally and change the world from the inside out. I think of each and every woman who has become a part of the
S Factor revolution. The 'S' alters you in huge ways and you carry that change into the world. You help other women change. We should never dismiss our sensitivity to the emotions of others - let's respect emotion rather than label someone as "irrational." We need to recreate, unravel, rediscover and explore the modern female culture. The sister culture. The riot girl culture. The badass chick culture. The S Factor culture. A culture where there is a code of honor.

1. Insinuate your place in the world and don't let anyone dismiss you when you're PMS-ing or just feeling "emotional". You are not dismissable.
2. Don't diss another woman's body, clothes, spirit, personality, hormonal rollercoasters, or M.O.
3. Don't diss your own.
4. Don't mess up another woman or hit on her man.
5. Take an S Factor class or some other class that celebrates your curve and helps you carry it out into the world.
6. Continue to talk and share your secrets with other women.
7. See the beauty and humanity in all women and honor it.

Our's is a culture of tolerance, a culture of humanity. We can learn from all the mistakes the boys have made in their patriarchal world that we have learned to live in. Isn't it time they learned to live in our's? The culture of the 'S' is that of the curve. Let's move on in whispered translations, giggly revelations, empathetic eyes and shouted elations. Let's just keep talking. Spread the 'S'. Create the revolution and be proud you carry the curve.

Trust What You Cannot See

Blindfolds... an amazing tool, toy, and titillating accessory with endless possibilities. One of the most amazing ways things to do with a blindfold, however, is to use it to stimulate your other five senses (yes, we count intuition as a sense) and learn to trust them to guide you.
Choose an everyday activity that can be done somewhere safely and with ease - preferably the privacy of your own home - and do this at a time when you are alone and don't expect to be bothered. Draw a bath as you gather together some very intriguing edibles in your kitchen... olive oil, honey, applesauce, hummus, butter...things with different textures that can easily be washed off and are good for your skin. Set the items on a tray or something easy to handle, put some soothing music on, light some aromatherapy candles and set the tray within reach as you prepare yourself to tune out everything to do with sight. Take off your clothes, step into the bath and tie on the blindfold.

It can be one of the beautiful blindfolds we sell in our online shop, or even something simple and makeshift like a tie or scarf. Let yourself focus on one sense at a time: the fragrance of the candles wafting through the air, the sound of the music and the different underlying beats. Once you feel those senses to their fullest, dip your hand into one of the edibles, like olive oil, and slowly massage it all over your legs or arms... whatever you want to focus on during that moment. Next dip your fingers in whatever is closest to your reach... trust your sense of touch as you dribble it down whatever body part you like. Keep trying new things as you slowly learn to trust in what you cannot see... use your intuition to try and determine what each item is and revel in its application. It will be beautiful, stimulating and will actually feel very cleansing when you are finished. Plus, you'll enjoy that surge of moisture and hydration from some of those items that are used at spas for the very same purposes.

Where to Meet Men

Even in the world of uberspace, speed dating and singles bars, it can still be a little frustrating to try and meet that worthy single man. Some women don't feel comfortable posting their photo and profile online or answering 20 questions in five minutes. We understand that, so we put our heads together to think of when and where it is that we see the most interesting, available men. Check out our ideas and give them a try... who knows what could happen!

Shopping... one of our favorite things, but with a twist. How about making your own trip to Home Depot the next time something in the household breaks? Sporting goods stores also yield a good chance of finding an athletic, healthy man to do some outdoorsy, sporty things with. Then there's Sheila's favorite: late night grocery shopping. Bachelors tend to be unorganized when it comes to the domestic world, so they will run out at any hour to grab some toilet paper or their food for the week. Walking your dog is an old favorite - the dog park is the perfect place to let your pet finesse a little set-up. If you don't have a dog, borrow your neighbor's and make him your new best friend. Sporting events... good-looking men everywhere! Baseball, basketball, football, hockey... it doesn't even have to be pro - it can be the minor league games or even college games, 'cause men go to them all! Which leads to sports in general... take one up: join a local volleyball league, take a surfing lesson, go rock climbing or try something daring like bungee jumping or hang gliding. Speaking of sports, one of the most man-packed scenes ever is the driving range at 6:30 a.m. Hot, hot, hot! If you're not feeling all the action there, then try a sports bar on Monday night during football season for an absolute plethora of men. If jocks and athletes are not your type, you can try a pool hall and, for the intellectual competitor, poker tournaments... you get to sit for hours with others, getting to know their style and witnessing their charisma firsthand. Still not interesting to you... try a shooting range... men shooting guns, looking sweaty and powerful. Last, but not least, try having a drink or a meal at the smaller, local airports (for example, Santa Monica Airport), where the pilots go to relax after a long day of flying. If you try some of these ideas, at the very least, you will enjoy some serious visual stimulation.

Kristina Lloyd
S Factor Instructor

California girl Kristina Lloyd is an incredibly inspiring S Factor instructor, with layers of depth that we are continuously discovering. Raised in San Diego, Kristina moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in acting and directing. She received her Bachelor of Arts in Theater, summa cum laude, from UCLA, where she took her very first dance class ever: Modern Dance. It was this class that opened her eyes to a whole new world of how the body can express itself and inspired her to try every type of dance, from flamenco to ballet to salsa, in a journey to educate herself about movement and to incorporate it into her directorial style.

Kristina grew up doing gymnastics and diving, which helped her to gain flexibility and strength, and tried a multitude of workouts, including yoga, Pilates and boot camp, until she discovered Sheila Kelley's S Factor. After reading many articles about it, she signed up with Teri Jaworski and was completely hooked after just one class. The S Factor incorporated everything she was looking for in a workout: dance, a gymnastic element (pole work) and the stretching aspect, which she feels is neglected in most other forms of exercise. "This has been the longest time that a workout has kept my interest," she says. "It is so much fun - I don't ever see myself getting bored with it."

Through taking S Factor classes, Kristina really learned to embrace her curves. After years of struggling with her body image, including hospitalization for an eating disorder in her teens, Kristina learned to make peace with her body. "It was the biggest relief I have ever experienced in my life," she says. "I learned about myself, my body and its potential, and I carried what I learned in the classroom out into the world with me." Soon, she was using this increased self-confidence in every aspect of her life.

One of Kristina's primary goals in life is to work with women to help them develop a positive body image and carry themselves with pride, and S Factor was the perfect venue for her to do that. She loves guiding women through the same journey she experienced: learning to embrace their curves and feel good about themselves. "I love watching my students get bold, because that boldness is lurking inside every one of them," she says. "I try to create a really nurturing environment so that they can really flower and blossom."

Kristina has been married to her husband, Nick, for eight years. Together, they own Gryphon Entertainment, which produces stage productions. Kristina is currently associated with the Odyssey Theaters in Los Angeles and is on the Board of Directors. She has received critical acclaim for directing plays during the past four years and has a few exciting projects in the works, including the first West Coast extended run of the dark, edgy comedy Mr. Marmalade. In addition, she performed with the Group Repertory Theatre from 2000 to 2005 and currently has an acting role as a courtesan in the acclaimed La Traviata with Renee Fleming at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, playing September 9th, 12th and 17th. Click here for tickets.

Dear Sheila,

I've been meaning to write to you for ages, and this seems like the perfect time to do so. About a year ago, I started
S Factor, right after my husband and I separated. Having been with him since college (over a dozen years), I felt lost and confused. I didn't know who I was as a single adult, or what I wanted my life to be. A friend had heard about Sheila Kelley's S Factor through another friend who found it to be very empowering, so she suggested I give it a try. I signed up immediately and have been completely devoted ever since.

Honestly, in a year full of stress, health problems and, most of all, heartache, joining S Factor has been the single most important thing that I have done for myself. I lost over 15 pounds, started carrying myself with confidence, connected with my sensuality in a way I never had before, and met a lot of wonderful women. I love the way my new body looks and feels! S Factor has been very cathartic and crucial to my emotional healing. No matter what burden I carry when I arrive for class, I always leave feeling amazing.

Recently, I was very sad to say goodbye to a woman who was a source of inspiration for me. You see, for the past year I've been in Barbara Dial's class on Sunday at noon. I finished Level 6 with her, but have to continue my journey without her. I've found that sometimes change is hard, but I look forward to learning and growing with a new instructor. I wish Barbara much happiness and success as she joins those bringing
S Factor to the ladies of NYC.

In closing, I want to thank you for creating a place where women are encouraged to love themselves and support other women in doing the same. I've told many women about the power of the "S." Some have signed up already and, hopefully, others will too. This experience has meant the world to me, and I'll keep coming as long as there are classes to sign up for!

Sincerely,

Kristy Scanlan

Dearest Sheila,

As I lay in bed trying to rest and find a comfortable position, I start to realize what a crappy year I have had and how hopeless and so out of control my life is at this very moment. "What the %&*$?" is the question that I have been asked on a daily basis from everyone in my life. I have dealt with things like my two-year-old daughter choking on a hair clip on Mother's Day weekend, both my kids getting a bad case of hand, foot, and mouth disease on the 4th of July, my son breaking his wrist and now me and my crazy head case. First, it was a cyst to a minor lipoma tumor and now an infection that was spreading throughout my head. We still don't know exactly what it is and that is what bothers me the most, but knowing that they finally took it all out is a huge relief. I have gone in and out of feelings of depression with all that has happened this year. This black cloud started following me around this year the same time I became a
S Factor instructor. I feel as if this thing that I do, TEACH, has been and continues to be my sanity. Seeing my kids smile, sleep, and play is happiness, kissing my husband is like a breath of fresh air, but teaching my girls is SANITY. After all, shouldn't we all have some sanity in our lives on a daily basis?

Whether single or married, with or without children, there should be that something that brings you back to earth. For some it is shopping or therapy but, for me, it is having a high from laughing or crying after an amazing class. Never in a million years did I think by stripping, pole dancing, or doing Hip Circles, I could fly so high. So this year, what has saved me from this feeling of depression that keeps trying to invade my brain... is teaching. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a teacher. Never did I think this type of teacher but, here I am, loving what I do more than most things in life. Not only do I find such calmness in myself every time I teach, but I have this backbone of women I have met. Each of these women owns a piece of my heart. I have friends that will last me a lifetime. Fellow staff, teachers and students! I have received the most amazing
e-mails, calls and even flowers. This community of women is why
I am not driven off the edge - they all inspire me. I can't thank you enough for allowing me to have part of this. Things do happen for a reason! I became a teacher because someone higher up knew this would be the year that I would need some sanity on a daily basis! Thank you for giving me a place to feel safe in my own insane sort of way.

Love the crazy head case,

Miss Tina K.