The Clitoris Doesn't Have an Expiration Date

by Sheila Kelley 22. June 2015 10:00

It happened at a party. One of those Hollywood meets Washington D.C. kinda parties at a mansion that used to belong to a child TV star from the 80s. Every 45 minutes you could take a tour of the house and grounds, which included a bowling alley, an indoor shooting range, 3 family rooms, a secret door down to a speakeasy, a squash ball court, putting green, tennis court, two pools, and – I kid you not – a pygmy pig farm with 5 itty bitty tiny miniature pigs. You gotta love Hollywood!

I had just finished my tour when a woman I vaguely remember meeting several years earlier came up to me and started speaking as if we knew each other very well, “How’s Richard? How’re your dogs?”

I realized that she was a very Famous Spiritual Thought Leader (FTL) whom I had met at an event years ago in Santa Barbara! FTL knew of my passion empowering women through their bodies and I, along with everyone else on the planet, knew of her work making miracles happen. She proceeded to launch into a deep discussion about the work I do with women. She mentioned that she was starting a new program directed toward women and she wanted to learn more about what happens at S. There isn’t much I love talking about more than the feminine so I jumped right in about the wildly exquisite Erotic Creature within every woman’s body and how she fuels your life.

FTL stopped me mid-sentence and said definitively, “Not me. I don’t have one. I’m over 60 now and being erotic just doesn’t hold much weight for me or women my age anymore.”


Well, this just about sent me sideways. What?! Inside I was exploding with a cacophony of words and thoughts that I frantically tried to gather together into a cohesive sentence. I couldn’t understand her calm finality. She seemed to be at peace with this self-imposed life sentence of sexual, sensual celibacy.

I blubbered, “FTL, what do you mean? Being erotic is a lifelong gift of being human, isn’t it?”

FTL: “When you’re my age, life becomes about something bigger, something more spiritual.”

Feminine sexuality. It’s the hot button topic of the millennium.

Me: “Why can’t spirituality be erotic?”

FTL: “It’s just not.”

Me: “Well, I don’t mean to be presumptuous here but I beg to differ, the journey of S Factor is a journey toward the soulful expression of your erotic body. Your soul speaks through your body which by definition is an erotic creature!”

Bam! Nailed it!

FTL: “Hmmmmmm…I’ll have to think about this.” She turned her gaze uncomfortably away from me. This conversation had taken a turn that was making her quite uneasy. Goodness. Was I altering her mind, her amazing brilliant mind that had settled into a belief that she needed to forever ban her erotic body to silence?

Me: “FTL?” I asked tentatively. “Could it be that you never thought of yourself as an erotic creature?”

FTL: “Oh, well, when I was younger I was a very erotic woman.”

Me: “What happened?”

Her: “I told you. Life has become about something far more elevated than sex.”

“I didn’t say anything about sex, FTL. I said ‘erotic creature,’ aka, the body, the fully matured feminine body that you live in, that carries you through life. Your feminine body is by definition a sexual being. The way your breasts curve out into the world, your waist indents, your hips swerve out. When fully relaxed that body knows how to undulate easily and send her erotic signals far and wide throughout your entire life. But if you want to talk about sex we can talk about sex. I know for a fact that the clitoris has no expiration date. Desire doesn’t give up! Lust is the healthiest most invigorating energy that rolls through our bodies! Every woman – exempting possibly those who have undergone female genital mutilation – is capable of feeling pleasure throughout her entire body for her entire life.”

FTL looked at me like I had been speaking in Swahili.

It may have been my mention of the word “clitoris.” Maybe I should have pushed my point further. FTL seemed to have a similar reaction to her erotic body that our culture has. Women who can no longer bear children don’t have desire, aren’t seen as sexual beings, can’t receive or give pleasure. Seriously? Let’s permanently debunk that evil little myth. The clitoris is the sole organ in the human body, male or female, that has one single lifelong purpose and that is to bring the owner pleasure. Period! It does that through the more than 8,000 nerve endings it has over its entire surface (the penis has only about 4,000). And the clitoris expands with age! Meaning that by the time a woman is say, 65, the age of our FTL, her clitoris will be seven times the size it was at birth! Think about it, seven times the pleasure! As I said to FTL, the clitoris has no expiration date. Don’t even get me started on the erogenous zone known as your skin and how many nerve endings of pleasure there are on it. Erotic pleasure is a human gift.

The concept that FTL’s body was a creature with desire and fire seemed to spin her. She seemed at a loss. Her eyes shifted and bobbed as if trying to find center again, drifting toward some kind of deep body awakening. She looked away from me and then just as suddenly caught herself. And very methodically she turned toward me, “Sheila you are adorable, you and your pole dancing, but until you are my age you really can’t understand where I am coming from. But I admire you. I really do.”

With that she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and disappeared into the party. Escaped! Whoa! What? Was I just dressed down? Yes, I was!

Fifteen years into this journey of guiding women toward their body truth, their beauty, their soulful sexuality and I am still astounded with the controversy it provokes. Feminine sexuality. It’s the hot button topic of the millennium. So hot that it sends even some of the most awakened thinkers of our time running for the hills. It keeps women enchained in darkness with frozen bodies yearning to fly, stretch free, curve and be seen in all of their magnificent radiance. How can we move away from a place of unease toward the female body towards a place of elevation and celebration of her? Fully awakening to her true potential and the luminosity of her feminine light?

FTL is coming to town to speak next week. I bought tickets. I will go and shake her hand. I will nod my head and try to remain silent. But I know me. Maybe this time my words will seduce her into the light. Her own beautiful erotic feminine light of being. Wish me luck!

Please join me at 50 Shades of Sexy this Summer!


For more information from the Huff Post:

Comments (2) -

Carla Barnett
Carla Barnett
7/3/2015 12:53:53 PM #

What a great post!  Thank you for writing and sharing this.


7/7/2015 6:40:12 PM #

In spirituality there can be a lot of misinterpretation surrounding sexual energy. Yogis  honor Brahmacharya, one of the yamas which I was taught to believe it means. 'control of the sexual' energy. Since all yamas are based on ahimsa,/non-violence...I like to see it means just that, using one's sexual energy in a way that doesn't harm others & what better way than to celebrate & revere it in expression, exploration, give life to it, a voice. My S journey thusfar has been an intensely spiritual experience from the first moment I felt something stir within, a call I felt compelled to listen to. The permission to explore safely is something I will forever be grateful for. My spiritual guide talks about the THE POWER OF MY CONSENT, that what we're all ultimately searching for is Connection, Communion & Companionship. My S journey is a place I get to flex my power of consent and it's affecting me so profoundly from the inside out, accelerating, supporting and inspiring my own journey towards deeper Connection, Communion & Companionship


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